Jan 3, 201201:49 PM

A mother of two, a wife of one and a woman in search of a strong cocktail

New Year, New Rules

 

On Sunday, I asked Husband what his schedule was like on Monday, the faux holiday.  I mentioned I wanted to perhaps get a pedicure at some point during the day.  He said he really needed to go to work.

Sunday night, a last minute Rose Bowl ticket was waved in front of his face like a piece of bacon.  He no longer had to work.  

One hour for pedicure=not possible.  Entire day for Rose Bowl=completely doable.  

My New Year’s Resolution: try not to be so visibly irritated with Husband when these things happen.  Also, try to say Have Fun.  And, of course, actually mean it.  After all, I get it.  I understand...it’s the Rose Bowl.  I’m not totally heartless...just a little selfish and petty.  

But if I have to make that kind of sacrifice in the New Year, I’m going to go ahead and bestow a few New Year’s resolutions on my family.  They’ll thank me later.

I’ll start with The Short People:

One: Whining is no longer an acceptable form of communication.  Furthermore, you are no longer allowed to complain about things like THIS IS THE WRONG BOWL! or WHY ARE MY GRAPES TOUCHING MY CHICKEN?   Also, no more bitching about the sun and how it’s too hot.  First of all-it’s 65 degrees outside.  Second-last time I checked you were a five year old boy, not an 85 year old woman.  Man up.

Two: Waking up before 6:30 am is unacceptable as I am not in the mood to see your face before then.  I’m surprised you haven’t picked up on this considering that when you walk into our room at the butt crack of dawn, I do nothing but roll over and curse.

Three: There will be no more hoarding of little pieces of crap, random garbage found on the street, rocks for your “collection” or the last 84 pieces of paper you happened to scribble on and call a picture.  The joy I get from throwing this shit away is amazing.

Four: Learn how to take a shower.  Baths are getting kind of annoying.  Also, get over this thing about water touching your face.  Also equally annoying. 

And just so He doesn’t feel left out, a few suggestions for Husband:

One: Will rub Gelato Mama’s legs and feet every night because she loves it so.

Two: Will refrain from calling “networking” work.  You’re “cocktailing.”  If you just call it what it is, it may not irritate me so.  (Most likely not, but it’s worth a try.)

Three: Will take kids to park by Himself at least once a week for minimum of two hours.  After all, Short People need their Daddy time and Mama’s need their EVERYONE LEAVE ME ALONE time.    

Four: Will attempt to close things.

To be fair, I’m sure Husband and Short People have some requests of their own.  I’ll go ahead and make a few educated guesses.

From Husband:

One: Make some money.

Two: Earn income.

Three: Contribute to bank account.

Four: Bring home the bacon.

From Short People:

One: Take us to Disneyland

Two: We would like a trip to Disneyland

Three: Disneyland sounds awesome.  Let’s go.

Four: If you were a nice Mom, you’d take us to Disneyland.

Of course, I have a few other resolutions that are all positive and shit but those aren’t nearly as fun to talk about.  In this coming year of 2012, I hope most of all for the continued good health of my family.  Also, a trip to Italy.  Income would be fabulous.  And most importantly, a trip to Disneyland. Even though the thought of spending the day in such a place sends shivers down my spine...I will do it.   After all...I’m a nice mom.  

Happy New Year to you and yours....thanks for reading my words and may you continue to do so...